First of all I would like to apologize for being MIA over the past few months, I have been dealing with feelings that I didn’t want to admit or share with anyone…hence the lack of posts. I didn’t want to keep writing that everything was great and that I was enjoying being out on tour…because I would have been lying. It was tough, and I wanted to give up. I had never felt this way before and I didn’t know how to deal with it.
Throughout the year I have battled with feelings of self-doubt. I no longer felt mentally strong enough for this game, it was becoming miserable. Missed cut after missed cut only reinforced the doubt that I was already having about myself. I felt confused, lost, and scared of what the future had to hold. Everything that I thought I wanted in life had gradually sucked the life out of me. I didn’t like the person I had become and I had stopped taking care of myself physically and mentally.
If you know me you will know that I put my heart and soul into anything I do, and my golf career is no exception. It was hard for me to understand how I could put everything into getting better at this game and I wasn’t getting rewarded for it…well in the terms of results anyway.
After my last event in Alabama it became clear that it was time to ‘hit refresh’ and be ok with it. I decided to take some time away from the course and really think about how I wanted to go about turning things around for the better, not just in terms of results but life in general. I had forgotten how to have fun and instead of being grateful for the opportunities I was given to succeed I was seeing them as just another chance to fail.
I didn’t want to have these thoughts and I knew it was not the way to think, but feeling guilty for having those feelings only made the situation worse. Instead I had to accept the way I was feeling and really look at why I was thinking this way.
When you go through tough times in your life you really have to be grateful for what it has taught you, no matter how much it hurts, there is always a reason for why you had to go through the heart ache.
For me I have learned that if I want to be successful I have to look at things differently and not let outcomes dictate my emotions. I also now know that it is pretty much impossible not to have any negative thoughts but you have to know that’s all they are, thoughts, they have no meaning unless you allow them to. You also have to remember that you have a choice when it comes to your outlook on life and that your thoughts are the roots of what we become.
If you really want something in life you have to imagine you already have it, the feeling you get when you have achieved it should motivate you to keep pushing on until it is no longer just a thought, but reality. You also need to know that at anytime in your journey you can ‘hit refresh’ and take a different route to success. That’s the cool thing about life, everyday we are presented with a new opportunity to turn the page and rewrite the story.
I want to dedicate this blog to all my supporters, my loving family, friends and sponsors. You have always believed in me and have always pushed me to chase my dreams. I cant thank you enough for being there for me when I have needed you the most.